Luci's Club
by Bax Embre
Summary: A birthday ficlet for Likhoradka- Lucifer is the new owner of a strip club. However, things just aren't going his way.


Lucifer had been so sure opening a club was a great idea. It would bring in good money, he would be surrounded by scantily clad attractive people, and hey- no one would give a flying rat's ass if he waltzed around in nothing more than a g-string and a feather boa. Not that he did that THAT often- well, perhaps he did with the boa. He was sort of fond of it, and frankly, he didn't give a shit what anyone thought when he wore it anyways. Well, that's what he'd thought, at least.

He'd taken out a loan, purchased the building, and opened up the stage for auditions. He really hadn't expected to get such a strong response- but he sure as hell hadn't expected all of the prospective strippers to be his siblings.

Balthazar, he hadn't been too surprised about. Gabriel hadn't been much of a shock either, if a bit garish... But Micheal's routine was uncomfortably professional... and then Castiel's... Well, he was obviously not new to this. The entire spectacle ended with him drinking heavily while his brothers roamed around the floor. At some point whilst drunk, he must have accidentally hired them, because the next day, they showed up ready to 'work'. That's how he'd ended up in this situation.

"Luci, you're such a stick in the mud!" Gabriel pouted, crossing his arms. Lucifer was doing his best to focus his gaze on the scotch in his hand rather than the man in front of him.

"I don't care- I run this place, not you! A lollipop stuck to your dick does NOT qualify as a costume! No matter how big the lollipop is."

"Come on, Luci! I'm pretty sure this is tempting to someone somewhere!" He waggled his hips and Lucifer stared even more intently into his glass.

"Gabriel, you are a complete idiot. How do you think you can strip when that's glued in place? Unless you're looking for a good wax.." Out of the corner of his eye, Lucifer noted that Gabriel had stopped fidgeting.

"I...crap. Fine. I.. I'll be back in an hour.." His voice sounded distressed, and Lucifer's heart filled with relief at the sound of Gabriel's feet moving away. Lucifer set his glass on the bar beside him and massaged his temples. At least he'd managed to convince Balthazar to be a bartender instead. Everyone else, on the other hand, was dead set on stripping. At this point, he'd given up trying to think about it. Or anything.

"Lucifer.." Came a hesitant voice, and Lucifer glanced to the side to see Castiel.

"What do you want, Castiel?" he picked up his drink again and made a point to look very relaxed and not frustrated at all.

"Crowley's at the door," Castiel glanced back towards the entrance, "He'd like to speak with you."

"Wonderful," Lucifer set his drink down again, "And you told him I was here, didn't you?"

"Ahh... perhaps.." Castiel shifted awkwardly. Lucifer stood and wordlessly headed to the door. May as well get this over with...

"Ah! Lucifer!" Crowley gave him an easy grin as he neared, "So good to see you. Couldn't help but notice that you were opening a new place."

"What do you want, Crowley?" Lucifer replied dryly, crossing his arms.

"Can't a man visit another without reason? Or just to chat?" Crowley shrugged, exuding an air of false innocence.

"With you, no," Lucifer responded bluntly, "What do you want?"

"I was hoping you'd consider-"

Lucifer closed the door before Crowley could even finish his sentence. He just wasn't willing to deal with Crowley's deal-mongering right now. He would need to be a lot more drunk, and probably lose a few brain cells. Lucifer watched out the window until Crowley finally gave up and wandered away, then headed back to his drink. Just one sip...

"Lucifer!"

Balthazar's panicked yelp halted his hand as it reached for the scotch glass.

"What?" He snapped, looking up as the other man hurried towards the door.

"Well, just, ah... figured you should know," He snatched his coat, "Bit of an issue in the basement. May want to check it out!"

Lucifer stared after him as he rushed out the door. That was never a good sign... He turned to his drink, sighing slightly. After this, maybe... He turned again so he was facing the basement door, and headed forward. Soon, he sped his step- he could smell smoke. He flung the door open, "What the hell-?!" Smoke billowed out from the doorway, and several of his siblings ran out past him. He groaned, and turned to follow them out. So much for getting his drink... or opening the club that evening, for that matter.

After a quick call to the fire department, and a large amount of fuss, the firefighters returned from the depths of the building.

"So? What happened? Why aren't you hosing the place down?" Lucifer demanded, approaching them. The one he was speaking to motioned to another, who was holding something in his hands. It was the breakroom toaster. Lucifer groaned, noting the charred remnants of what he assumed was a bagel inside.

"I see... Well... thank you for your service," He stalked back to the door. Damn it all, he was absolutely sick and tired of this already. At least this meant that his scotch would be alright...

"Hey Luci!" Gabriel waved from the table, "I'm back! Also figured since you just left the drink on the table, you didn't want it any more." He raised the empty glass in his hand, "What's with all the hot firemen? Are we doing a special show tonight? I didn't get the memo."

Lucifer's eyes just followed the empty glass in Gabriel's hand, feeling something break inside of him.

"Luci? Helloooo? You there?" Gabriel waved the glass at his brother. Lucifer just turned and walked away. Nope. He was done. There was nothing that was worth this. He was going home. Gabriel frowned, watching Lucifer go, then shrugged. He glanced at the basement,

"Oh, right! I hope Balthy remembered to take my bagel out of the toaster..."


End file.
